VOTING IN 13 SIMPLE STEPS: AUSTRALIAN FEDERAL ELECTION 2016

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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO VOTE FOR?

WITHOUT QUANTIFIABLE DECISION-MAKING PROCEDURES FOR VOTING, WE ARE MORE DONKEY-APE HYBRIDS THAN HUMANS

The Australian Federal election is almost over and there’s just one more painful kidney stone to force out of your urethra, if you haven’t been lucky enough to vote already. After the weekend, we can all breathe a sigh of relief and relax, knowing that our country is in the safest and most capable hands, until the next round of leadership speculation starts to cause some more calcification build-up. The Coalition looks like winning (my prediction is 88 seats in homage to the year of our great invasion), and the LLNP-GOD will once again keep the Star Wars aliens, belonging to parties of scum and villainy, from holding any power in the Cantina of Representatives. The Senate Palace is another issue entirely, and I’m predicting that Salacious B. Crumb and Pote Snitkin will wreak havoc and throw Nick Xenophon to the Rancor.

VOTING IN 13 SIMPLE STEPS:

This is how you should vote, based on a rudimentary multi-criteria decision analysis (MCDA). If you can’t follow the steps, it’s okay, we still love you. The pillow I’m holding down on your face will help you breathe.

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